Introduction
In the wake of a shocking case from Bangalore involving an IT professional, society has been forced to reevaluate how we approach marriage in India. The emotional, legal, and financial consequences of a failed marriage are no longer confined to personal lives—they have begun to erode social structures. This incident serves as a grim reminder of the importance of premarital consultation, transparency, and awareness before making life-changing decisions like marriage.
1. The Importance of Premarital Consultation
Premarital consultation is not therapy. It is structured, professional dialogue between partners to assess compatibility. Just like financial planning or health checkups, it prepares individuals for a major life partnership. In the discussed case, crucial issues such as career intentions, personality alignment, family expectations, and emotional maturity could have been identified earlier, potentially avoiding disaster.
Topics to be addressed in a consultation include:
- Career plans and ambitions
- Children: yes/no and when
- Religious practices and rituals
- Financial transparency and future goals
- Roles and responsibilities in domestic life
- Expectations from in-laws and boundaries
2. The Influence of Parental Interference
In many Indian marriages, interference from parents becomes toxic. In the case in question, the man lived apart from his parents, yet conflicts emerged during a temporary stay due to COVID. The traditional family structure, where parents have unfiltered access to interfere, can add fuel to marital conflict.
Neo-local living, where couples live away from both sets of parents, fosters independence and reduces unnecessary tension. Marriages should be between two people first—not two families.
3. The Issue with Intercaste and Interreligious Marriages
While modern India is slowly opening up to intercaste and interfaith marriages, societal structures still create resistance. Cultural mismatch, family pressure, and value differences make such marriages more vulnerable to disputes. These issues aren’t inherently wrong—but require open dialogue and maturity. Without clarity on spiritual practices, food habits, and family boundaries, resentment festers.
4. Food Preferences as a Hidden Conflict Zone
You may laugh it off—but food is culture, identity, and daily routine. Conflicts between vegetarian and non-vegetarian partners are more common than people admit. In this case, non-veg food was thrown around the house as a form of psychological warfare. These details may sound minor but become major stressors over time.
5. Marrying Across Economic Classes
The case highlights what happens when individuals from vastly different financial backgrounds marry without psychological preparation. The man came from a financially well-off and professionally accomplished background. The woman’s family was reportedly struggling, and she herself had employment issues. Power imbalance, hidden insecurities, and unspoken expectations triggered a chain of financial exploitation and emotional violence.
6. The Problem with Matrimonial Sites
Digital matchmaking often prioritizes surface-level traits—education, salary, and caste—over emotional maturity or personality. A few video calls and biodata exchange do not reveal red flags. In this case, had the individuals met more organically or with a deeper understanding of one another’s values, things might have been different.
Matrimonial sites, while useful, must be paired with in-depth compatibility discussions facilitated by professionals.
7. What We Need: Legal and Social Solutions
- Premarital Agreements (Prenups): India must legalize and normalize prenups to outline asset division, responsibilities, and clauses for separation. This reduces courtroom drama and financial extortion.
- Premarital Counseling Becomes Mainstream: Schools, colleges, and society must promote it like a career counselor is promoted.
- Support Systems for Men and Women: While women have several support systems, men often suffer silently. Balanced help for both genders is crucial.
- Quick and Fair Divorce Mechanisms: The current system makes separation a punishment. Long trials, extortionate alimony demands, and humiliation need to be replaced with faster conflict resolution frameworks.
Conclusion
Marriage is not a fairy tale. It is a partnership that requires maturity, clarity, and compatibility. In India, we glorify the institution but ignore the groundwork it needs. The Bangalore case is not just an individual tragedy—it is a call for systemic reform.
Let’s make premarital consultation a norm, not an afterthought.
Call to Action
- If you’re planning to marry, invest time and money in a professional consultation.
- If you’re already married, consider post-marital counseling.
- If you’re a policymaker, educator, or influencer—raise your voice to normalize premarital counseling and reform unjust laws.
Marriage is not a gamble. Let’s stop treating it like one.
Written in the memory of those who lost more than just love to broken systems.